Pitch dark smoke rises
Against grey tide,
Our gathering awaits,
Broken; moist eyed.
I no longer inhabit me,
Cursed and weak;
No longer is my spirit
Contained in me, meek.
I’ve shed these clothes
I’ve donned too long;
I’ve quit this world,
I’ve sung my song.
The last breath, borrowed
Called you to me.
The last words for now
Were echoes of nee.
I can sleep hereon under
Earth’s blanket warm,
I’ve been silenced now;
A quieter, unruly storm.
…
Leave like the birds in the morn,
Fleeing to a sunnier vistas,
Leave like winters that pry into
Warmer, steadier climes.
Leave the home, you made mine;
Make it empty yet again,
Empty- akin the promises made,
Empty, like my emotions now.
...
And now awake in thoughts, I see
Explained - a lead heart and a light head,
For while the hours shall console me
Awake, by her, alone on my bed.
…
I had forgotten the grey,
The dark of rising smoke-
Light form, dark nature.
I had forgotten the fire,
The blaze at the lit tip-
Smoldering, sputtering.
I had forgotten the warmth,
The coal pot ignited within-
Expansive, compressed.
I had forgotten headiness,
Losing oneself to find escape-
Evasive, uncertain.
I had forgotten the first rush,
The strong vapor burning-
Rising, dragging.
I had forgotten the feel,
The clasp between two fingers-
Textured, wilting.
I had forgotten the bow,
The head, accepting fire on lips-
Breathless, inhaling.
I had forgotten death,
The goodbye at the end of this-
Fiery, waiting.
But now I remember,
And now I accept,
And now I inhale
And exhale each breath.
…
So...
What of the brewing and bubbling,
And brimming over of affections
That so clearly have you searing them
With fiery distance now?
What about the scars you hid all day;
The scars that were kissed, and
Only seemed to heal in touch,
Are hidden again now?
What about the tears you shed
Quietly, in the unseen corners
Through distraught corners of eyes
Wiped clear now?
What about the shared fragrance
That titillates in your absence,
Shamelessly obtuse to my pain,
Only more now?
What of the bottle of lotion white,
Resting restless upon my shelf,
In parting of your touch and smear;
Another lotion now?
What about the strands of hair
That pillows held back as memoirs,
Or taunts, that taunt in my sleep,
Additional now?
What about the books that lie
Dog-eared, bookmarked - idly,
In wait of fingers that folded them
To unfold now?
So...?
…
It wasn't the cold bullet
That pierced my heart,
Or the fact that you shot it;
It wasn't the motive,
The madness or the mart,
Whence you'd once bought it.
Many a blood drop had I spilled,
To see you spill but none.
Many a mean soul had I killed,
If fate cruelly had some fun.
It was none of these I died from,
None had potency, quite none ;
If only I'd heard the wise, some,
If only you weren't the one
...
It leaps in me and grows in time,
Your heart; for now and ever is mine,
I guard it well, I do my part,
I guard your heart, with just my heart.
It grows each day, this heart oft swells,
It makes more room for yours; here dwells.
Break it, you may; I'll take that risk,
I'll trade my beat for a beat more brisk.
Push me away, and I'll stand in line,
I'll wait for years, I'll bide my time.
Tear me apart, I'll smile through the pain,
I'll rebuild our house, you'll love me again.
We live only twice- as I, and as we,
I'll await our second union to be.
You walk away now; I'll mark your retreat
And when you return, my heartache will fleet,
Sleep will return, I seek it only here;
I seek it to forget you aren't yet near.
Yet.
…
I'm worried..
I'm worried that if you don't hear my voice, you'll forget the love that it bears when it calls your name..
I'm worried that when I see you next, you may not recognize me with my face torn by our separation..
I'm worried that people will know what a gem I've found, and they'll fall in love with you too..
I'm worried the rain gods will pour down to hide my tears, so much that our cities would flood..
I'm worried that my insanity would drive me when your love doesn't temper it down..
I'm worried the smell, that allure that draws me to you, will change in time..
I'm worried that the heart that echoes your name in each beat, will stop sometime..
I'm worried the distance will make you forget these times that I've loved you true..
I'm worried that time won't let you forget the distances we've made sometime back..
I'm worried if before my life returns, my breath shall collapse to a stop..
…
It's a shame I cannot tell you
Of the things I tell myself-
The restless dreams,
The hopeless yearn
For unforetold days.
It's a shame I cannot share
Freak joys that are abound-
The littleness of the big,
The largeness of the small
And our lives thereupon.
It's a shame you will not know
This ode I write of you-
The miseries of hearts,
The joyful dances too
In broken entwine.
It's a shame you cannot say
More than you do now-
The flicker of approval,
The ticker of skipped beat
In a quelled heart.
It's a shame we cannot be
Otherly to written fates-
The sameness of tomorrow,
The newness of past days
And our grind amidst.
…
Upon a clear morn I set out
To find the self I’d lost for long.
No further had I gone than
The stream that passes near
The structure that houses me.
I looked upon him clear as ever,
Staid yet in the flowing waters.
He looked back in equal intensity,
It seemed like I was the illusion,
And he who stared back, reality.
I tried to reason, to talk with
Sense that years brought in effort.
He would not listen; plainly put,
He spoke only when I chose to say
A few words and sought fewer.
Playfully around me, was all else-
The air, the birds, the fish et al
Unaware, blissfully, of conflicts
That reflect upon a clear stream,
But alas, only for so long today.
…
Let it be so, I'll wait some more,
I'll wait my time outside your door.
Days I've spent with your visage to keep,
A few more I'll wait, a little more I'll weep
For keeping away, isn't easy and yet,
Knowing the grounds that fate hath wet,
I’ll await the fragrance, lilting divine,
I will wait my time, till you'll be mine,
But till then await His mercy from above,
Till then bear mine; uncontested love.
Bent akin the light that flows
Upon her, and hence, gently shows
The radiance of the one I sought,
The girl I loved, affections fraught
With perils, that hence the world will throw,
And yet, we’re the union of two, we know
Best to make each morn, day count;
To begin to store little joys we’ve found.
…
I have moved on, and more so
Today, than I shall let you know
Ever. There is no more any affection;
Only pity - my own for my own affliction.
I no longer love you like the light of the day,
No more do I dance with the winds that sway.
I no longer think of you when I first awake
Or reminisce fondly the faces you would make.
No more is there allure of black hair radiant,
No more are words innocuous, belligerent.
No, I do not love you any more and yes,
Today this much I will dare confess-
I do not think of you when there's a breeze,
When someone calls me, I do not yet freeze
In hope, that somehow it might be you
Calling me rare, in those fond names, few.
I think no more of your head on my chest
Laying in moments that time had blessed,
I no longer yearn for those starry night skies
Or the gaze that was similar from thine eyes.
There is no more love, I do not regret,
Only attempts; futile in trying to forget.
No love, I do not remember you,
And yet, somehow cursed, I still do.
..
I awoke today from a dream so sweet
Echoing her love in our unseen tryst.
But then, awake, our eyes did meet
And tears that flowed were joyful mist.
Hours that passed by like a haze
Leaving only sweetness, lingering behind.
Her fragrance notched up my craze,
Lost in the feel of our moment's find.
Bundled in my arms, she lay without start
And yet, her heartbeat would now tell-tale.
Staid, on my chest beat her affable heart,
And lips turn crimson from a dull pale.
Frozen forever, this moment in time
For it is only love that could live this day.
Relive it, each day, sweet mind of mine
For only this memory shall strengthen my stay.
…
Make your name just a word to me,
For utterance only makes me see
You, smiling, and willfully so,
And a pain you try not to show.
Make your thought just that for me,
A thought that will now let me be
At peace; I seem to know it less
Since the moment, love, I did confess.
Make yourself just a person I knew,
For failed attempts have strengthened you
In my head, heart, forever your own,
Pervaded soul and a spirit torn.
...
Dare to dream beyond the moment at hand
To stand through, strong, and perhaps just stand.
There is none to hold, nor stand by your side,
Fight alone, if the gods must claim your hide.
Dare to go beyond the well-lit roads,
Beyond the paths that draw the hordes.
Lost perhaps, but on such walks alone,
You shall find your voice; true and own.
Dare to fight for the ones you hold dear,
For love can perhaps banish their fear.
But should you fail, and their fear takes over,
Pick your self up; and heal, perhaps slower.
Dare to fall; in love, at work - just to fall
And yet not wiping off your smile at all.
For tears only weaken the soul you housed,
And in one go, blazing spirits are doused.
Dare, if you must, to smile again,
Conceal every ounce of withheld pain.
He shall guard your heart, ever steadfast,
For His soul will live on, when he has passed.
There is perhaps nothing stronger than the human spirit. And yet, there seems to be nothing as fickle as the human mind. They are constantly at war, these two. And usually, we let the mind win. We let the world get the better of us, we let the rules dictate our conduct, we let our egos clash with our emotions, we let our love clash with our expectations, we let our dreams clash with reality.. To dare to let conduct, emotion, dreams and love move you.. And perhaps then, you have dared to live..
Forever stirred by the sight of my love,
I wait in realms of the unreal today.
Ethereal, she float into the room and how
Thousand eyes could not draw me away.
She shone, like the gold that morns bring
To a hopeful and un-triumphant soul.
She moved, like royal coronations in spring,
To each queen, another regal role.
What heavens have conspired today,
And what were they stressed to do?
What numerous love gods were at play,
When they gleefully hath blessed you?
For oft did my heart skip and leap
And oft did it sing out aloud,
Happy tears, love did once weep;
Consoled in the throes of a crowd.
Drenched hair, bathed in prurient light
Playfully flirt with the breezes around.
Oh, the dark tresses that beckon the night
And silence here, each whisper and sound.
Quiet room; bustling with noise and still
Nothing else can be heard or seen,
Bent and broken, my strongest will,
By visions of a little morning queen.
…
